What constitutes alcohol intoxication and what are signs and symptoms to look for?

Also,
When you take a drink of alcohol:
What is the path it takes in the body to cause the effects it does?
What factors may determine how “blitzed” you get?
How long does it take the alcohol to get out of your system so that you are no longer impaired?
-Are there things (coffee, cold shower, etc.) that can speed that process up?

1. …