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Personal statement & Admission Essay

The attachment is the essays that I need help. There are some comments in the word file, you may want to look at it. I’m applying to UCLA with Economics major. There are four questions, each of them need to within 300-350 words, so you may need to cut some words. In the first essay, I want you to link more economics theory if you can. You can edit anything and you can add your own idea as long as you you think it’s better. For example, you can change the event that I wrote to show my leadership experience in one of the essays, which means you can write another special event if you think yours is better to show my leadership. I personally think the last two essays are similar, so if you can make it difference, it will be a very good idea.

Here are some activities that I did. I created a gender equality club in college, I was a volunteer of a senior center, I visited the poor children in mainland China in high school, I worked in Uniqlo, which is a Japanese company. Of course, you can write any event as long as it makes the essay better.

In last step, I want you to
1. Proofreading: make sure that there’s no grammar mistakes.
2. Word choice: Use more difficult words and idioms
3. Various sentence structure
4. Correct redundancy, repetition, and wordiness
5. Make sure that there’s no plagiarism

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