EngL 5711
Lesson 6: Assignment 3

Name:

Instructions

For this assignment, you will give feedback to an author, paying special attention to passive constructions, subject-verb agreement, and concision. Use the pages provided in this document to complete each activity, and submit your work via the Moodle Assignments tool.

1. Freelance writer Michele LeFleur has written a short piece for a Vermont government publication that showcases the arts, sciences, humanities, history, economy, and culture of the state. Potential readers include residents of Vermont and those interested in moving there.

After reading the piece, write a letter of no more than two pages to Ms. LeFleur in which you give her some overall feedback. Be sure to start with some praise (do your best to be specific). Then, be a respectful but critical reader. Query her about specific confusing passages and dubious claims and facts. If you want to suggest a reorganization or substantive improvements, including elimination of confusing sentences or paragraphs, do so in your letter. (Although someone down the line will have final say in the title, you might want to make a suggestion.) End your note with a few gracious words of appreciation and a deadline for the next draft.

1. Then, copyedit the ten sentences listed on the last pages of this document. Do your best to fix any subject-verb errors or other problems with mechanics and spelling.  Rectify problematic use of the passive voice. If you can condense a sentence without altering meaning, do so.

Draft Article

Ouch! New Study Suggests There’s More to Mosquito Bites Than Clothes and Smell

By Michele LeFleur

A new study that was done in Vermont suggests something surprising. It seems that genetics have more to do with the manner in which the chemistry of the human body is that which leads to an attraction to mosquitos than had been previously thought. Results of scientific laboratory experiments which were conducted by scientists at Vermont State University were determined to have shown that clothing, skin color, and gender, and scent had much less to do with attraction to bugs than had been thought by previous research. ¶1

The study was published in the journal Etymology and conducted by Gale Fisher, MD, and Joan Corwin, PhD.  The researchers, in a grant that was funded by the Freedman Foundation in Stowe, Vermont, compared the attraction of common wood mosquitoes to sets of identical twins, mixed sets, and sets of non-twins.  There were 24 pairs of paid volunteers who had the unpleasant task of sticking their bare, clean arms in a secure screened-in cage over a 90-second span of time, after which the bug bites on their arms were scored by Fisher and Corwin. ¶2

A statistically significant higher rate of bites was experienced by twin pairs than by the other groups. Race as well as gender were studied in the experiment by Fisher and Corwin. ¶3

Fisher, who was was interviewed last week for this newslettter, offered a comment that the wearing of perfume was one of the variables that were studied. It’s long been held that certain aromas attract mosquitoes. We decided to test for that, too.” ¶4

According to Fisher, the results of the study lead to the conclusion that the scent of a person is only one of those variables which is attractive to bugs. The explanation of Fisher is that even when an application of perfume is put on one twin’s arm and his or her twin’s arm was not then mosquitoes were less likely to bite twins than if the same were true with non-twins. ¶5

The purpose of the study, Fisher said, was that if genetics do in fact play a role in a bug’s attraction to people, then the information might be able to be used for the development of chemicals that can help repel insects. ¶6

Asked who would volunteer to be bitten by mosquitoes, more than one of the subjects, according to Fisher, was forced to leave the experiment before all of the experiments was completed!¶7

Still, none of the participants was sorry for signing up for the study. In addition to receiving a stipend, a bottle of Cutter’s and a can of Off were given to each person even if he chose not to complete the study. ¶8

Sentences for Copyediting

1. It seems that genetics have more to do with the manner in which the chemistry of the human body is that which leads to an attraction to mosquitos than had been previously thought.
2. There were 24 pairs of paid volunteers who had the unpleasant task of sticking their bare, clean arms in a secure screened-in cage over a 90-second span of time, after which the bug bites on their arms were scored by Fisher and Corwin.
3. Race as well as gender were studied in the experiment by Fisher and Corwin.
4. Fisher, who was was interviewed last week for this newslettter, offered a comment that the wearing of perfume was one of the variables that were studied.
5. According to Fisher, the study results suggests that a person’s scent is only one of those variables which is attractive to bugs.
6. The explanation of Fisher is that even when an application of perfume is put on one twin’s arm and his or her twin’s arm was not then mosquitoes were less likely to bite twins than if the same were true with non-twins.
7. The purpose of the study, Fisher said, was that if genetics do in fact play a role in a bug’s attraction to people, then the information might be able to be used for the development of chemicals that can help repel insects.
8. Asked who would volunteer be bitten by mosquitoes, more than one of the subjects, according to Fisher,  was forced to leave the experiment before all of the experiments was completed.
9. Still, none of the participants was sorry for signing up for the study.
10. In addition to receiving a stipend, a bottle of Cutter’s and a can of Off were given to each person even if he chose not to complete the study.